The first one was probably the only “unexpected” pregnancy.

I don’t know how it happened because we always used condoms. I was about 20, in university and working part-time, and he was older.

 When I realised I was pregnant I painted a scenario for him to gauge his reaction - “What would you do if I got pregnant?” His response was swift- “It couldn’t be mine”. I knew he had a daughter who he never saw, who was being raised by grandparents in another parish, so having a baby -having his baby- wasn’t an option for me.

I grew up dirt poor, would have no support from family, and obviously would have issues with the father, so the decision was a no-brainer.

My sister had done an abortion earlier, and I went to the same provider in St Catherine. He used sedation - a general anaesthetic- so I never felt a thing during the suction. It was done at night - I went in at 7pm, was out by 9pm.  There was no judgement from him, or the nurses, or even from the taxi driver that drove me home afterwards, who had to know what women would have been doing at that doctor’s office at night. The nurses called the cab and he drove me to Kingston, me groggy and dazed.

I had no issues afterwards. Bleeding and some cramping, which was expected, but the doctor gave me antibiotics. I was back to my usual self the next day.

Numbers two and three happened overseas. I was admittedly not being serious about birth control and was using Plan B too often until it failed. The pill made me nauseous, depo made me bleed for months, and so condoms, occasionally, were the choice.

Number two was done with no pain relief at all. Number three was done with just Demerol. 

They did an ultrasound before and gave me the picture. I almost backed out.

In all these cases I felt that it was something I had to do, as I didn’t want to be a single mother battling it out with deadbeat men.

Number four happened in Jamaica. I had used an app to calculate safe days and that failed. I went back to the same doctor in St Catherine, and he performed the procedure at his office in Kingston, again under general anaesthesia.

This one almost killed me. It’s the one I regret most because the father is now my husband and would have been by my side.

I bled only slightly at first, then had cramps only for a few weeks. The antibiotics prescribed was too harsh, and I spent weeks doubled over in pain. This pain was so severe that I felt like I was passing out.  My period returned 10 weeks later, so heavy that I couldn’t leave the bathroom.

I suspect that something went wrong with the last abortion.  This was done at about five weeks. All the other abortions were done between six and nine weeks.

I am now married. I got pregnant last year, but the baby was not developing and I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. I did a medical abortion- Cytotec - administered by a gyno, and when that didn’t work, I had to follow up with a dilation and curettage (D&C).

I haven’t been able to get pregnant since, even with fertility drugs.