The Soliloquy of A Thousand Slaps by Solare

Mi gi’ yuh nutten fi bawl fah? Eh!!? Ansa mi wen mi a chat to yuh bwoy!

Yuh tink because yuh teelie start act like tree trunk sey yuh is a man?

Well, if yuh is di big tree, mi a di small axe. Ready long time.

Imagine sey yuh good fi nutten Pa’ leff fi buy cigarette 9 years ago and all now, eh? All now. Storm, fire, all pandemic reach and still mi yeye cyan bless pon him crusty neck back? 9 years – a mi one. Well, mi and God alone.

Mi juss now start come. Fi real – a come mi dis a come and mi nuh wan no boderation oi!

Look how mi find a nice, clean man wid two likkle Nanny inna him pocket, wey know how fi tek wi fi Devon House ice cream pon Sunday and yuh shoob yuh dutty finger dem innahim face? It look like yuh wan wi nyam mud fi di rest a wilife.

Know fi come outta big people argument. 

So wah if Clancy slap me 2 time? Yes, mi ears ring lakka di church bell dung a di Catholic Church but dat no sey yuh fi match him size. A so wen love sweet big people, passion rise.Mi nuh wan hear sey him call yuh no name. Ef him never ketch yuh a daub on mi purple lipstick pon yuh face, him wouldn’ have nutten fi sey.

Come yah bwoy! Mi hand nor mi mout nuh tiad yet eenuh. When mi dun wid yuh a bet yuh never dweet again. Sey bet!

Stop chat fart bout Clancy a abuse me and me a abuse yuh. Yuh know abuse? Yuh see wen dem mad people lock up dem pickney inna dungeon and starve dem – dat a abuse. Yuh love use dah word deh lightly – a me push yuh out, labour fi a day so if me wan drop lick pon yuh yah tidey, lick a go drop. Bout abuse.

Guh dung a Mass Tam and buy a tin a bully beef mek I fix Clancy summen sweet fi him figet how yuh brazen. And when him come tonight a beg yuh go ova Billy go watch TV.

‘Sas crise, look how yuh swell up mi hand wid yuh tuff skin and have di nerve a bawl. Move outta mi yeyesight cause di more mi look pon yuh and see yuh Puppa inna yuh face a di more mi get bringle.

Buy one suck-suck fi yuhself a di shop and memba mi change,oh. Anju, mi sey fi tap di rass bawling inna mi ears!!!!


Solare (nom de plume) is a Jamaican poet, although her collection remains scattered on bits of paper lying on the ground, making the place untidy. You can find her everywhere there is love and fun.

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