I was 18 and it was my first year in college, my bf at the time was 29 and it was a very toxic relationship.
He insisted that he wanted a child with me because he wants me to be his wife, but I told him no. However, most times when we had sex he’d try to come inside me and I was taking emergency contraceptives a lot so I guess it became less effective.

Because he was continuously coming inside me, I decided to go on the pill so when my period didn’t come the first month I thought it was just the pill and I stopped taking them then I became really sick. I couldn’t eat anything I could barely sleep, couldn’t walk my whole body just felt awful and again I thought it was just a really bad reaction to the pill. It continued and I decided to tell him and I he came for me one day and said he was gonna let me do a test and if I am pregnant he would take care of it. That day, he bought it and I read the test wrong.

After the symptoms continued I decided to go to the doctor and she told me I was pregnant, apart of me already knew that I was but I didn’t want to admit it. A part of me also wanted to give him a baby so bad because I felt that would make him love me more but I knew what I had to do so I told him and he gave me the money to do it.

That was the worst day of my life, I was awake for the procedure and I just wanted to die, throughout the whole thing I was just asking God to take my life because the pain was so much and I just kept think abt killing my first child and I just felt dead inside. After the procedure he didn’t check up on me to see how I was doing or anything, thankfully it was done properly so I had no complications.

That was 3 years ago and when I see babies that are the same age I wonder what my life would be like if I made a different decision. I wonder if when I want kids I won’t be able to have them or even if I am if they’ll be born with a birth defect. But at the end of the day, I think I made the best decision I could even though it wasn’t easy and I’ll have to live with my decision.