I was in a three-year relationship with a boy who I thought I was in love with. We were going on good, and we had unprotected sex all the time. So it was shocking when I told him I was pregnant, and the first thought he had was that it could not have been his. This guy was the only person I was having sex with. I tried to convince him that it had to be his child but he was convinced otherwise.
In 2010 I found myself pregnant. I will not get into the mundane (or not so mundane) mechanics of it except to say that I was devastatingly unprepared, in more ways than one, and terrified out of my wits. There was something in me that knew I was pregnant before the one friend I felt comfortable enough to tell, convinced me to do the test. I had done one before but it was too early. Despite that initial negative, I knew.
I had moved to Kingston to attend college. This was my first time away from home. My first time away from my very strict upbringing. I never thought I would stray from my upbringing of being a reserved child. I heard my friends at school talking about online dating, how they’ve met “rich” older men who’d spoil them and all. I decided to try this online thing out of curiosity. I tried it but I wasn’t looking for the basic stuff my friends were looking for, I was looking for love (Oh silly me).
I was 16 years old, from a poor family, and was with this older guy… 21 years old, from a middle-class family. We had been talking (nothing sexual) since I was 14 years old.
At 16 we had sex for the very first time. I hadn’t missed a period, but I knew I felt weird. I had learnt enough about my body in school to know that something was off.
Often times we hear the word abortion and we think, “hell” or “murderer” or “if you do it too many times it will kill you. That’s God’s way of punishing you”.
I read a story a few moments ago that I could relate to. Growing up I was moulded to be a “model child”. I was expected to get good grades, lead by example when in reality I was being mentally and verbally, even physically abused by the woman who was supposed to help shape me into a strong beautiful woman. Due to this, I became vulnerable while putting on a brave face. I didn’t think I was smart enough, pretty enough or was just enough.
Abortion itself is a difficult word to swallow. I’ve been on this blog many times. I even memorized the name so I wouldn’t forget. A safe place. I found the notion of the word kinda useless to me a year ago but nevertheless, I continue. I’ve been staring at my phone screen several minutes wondering if I’m ready to become vulnerable all over again.
I’m still not sure if I regret it… still not certain if the decision I made was the correct one…and how will I ever know? Of course, had it not been for that decision, I wouldn’t be who I am today, doing the things I do and living the life I live and still, there is a pang of regret lingering inside my heart… especially since I am not certain I can produce anymore children. There are days I sit and think “wow… I could have been someone’s mommy” and there are days when I completely forget that fact. I’m caught up with being the me I am today.
It’s been 15 years, I have forgotten the date but it was December 2003. I was in my second year of university, I had just started dating a married man. I know, it was immoral, it was bad, but it happened. I was also casually sleeping with a man who I found incredibly sexy albeit quite crass. Neither of them fit my Immaculate High School description of the kind of man I wanted to fall in love with, be with, marry.
It was very easy to say that I would always choose my career over anything else. It was the easiest thing to say before I let a baby ruin my life I would get rid of it quickly and without remorse. It was a choice between myself and it and at the end, I would emerge victorious. It was easy to say this until I saw the two lines appear on that pregnancy test.
I’ve never really told my real story and it haunts me every day.
I got pregnant at 19 years old by my boyfriend. How did I find out? Do you know the saying “mothers know everything”? Well, my mother’s menstruation cycle and my cycle were always close and my period would always come right after hers. She noticed that I hadn’t been complaining as usual about pre-menstrual symptoms. This wasn’t the first time it was a couple days off, but this time she looked at me say asked, “Are you pregnant?” Immediately my body got cold & I said: “No, why would you ask that…”
On March 6 2016, I found out I was pregnant and instantly my world became chaos.
I already had a child who was five years old, and although I always said that I wanted another child, the situation wasn’t ideal at the time. I was seeing someone, but I was also messing with a married man and after I found out I was pregnant I knew it was not for my boyfriend.
I was 18 and it was my first year in college, my bf at the time was 29 and it was a very toxic relationship.
He insisted that he wanted a child with me because he wants me to be his wife, but I told him no. However, most times when we had sex he’d try to come inside me and I was taking emergency contraceptives a lot so I guess it became less effective.
