I’ve never really told my real story and it haunts me every day.
I got pregnant at 19 years old by my boyfriend. How did I find out? Do you know the saying “mothers know everything”? Well, my mother’s menstruation cycle and my cycle were always close and my period would always come right after hers. She noticed that I hadn’t been complaining as usual about pre-menstrual symptoms. This wasn’t the first time it was a couple days off, but this time she looked at me say asked, “Are you pregnant?” Immediately my body got cold & I said: “No, why would you ask that…”
I didn’t think I was pregnant; I just thought my period was just a couple days late. But deep down I knew it was a possibility. StilI, didn’t think I was, so I waited couple more days. Three days after my breasts were tender, more tender than how they would be when my period was coming, nonetheless, I thought my period was definitely coming.
I was wrong. I told my boyfriend about everything and he said I’m probably pregnant indeed. I went and got 3 pregnancy tests and they all came out positive. I stared at them for an hour then FaceTimed my best friend with tears running down my face & asked: “Do you know where I can get an abortion?”
I didn’t give it a long thought. I’m at UWI pursuing a medical degree which my parents are paying for. I know for sure they would never forgive me for getting pregnant. I’m sure they would just disown me - very sure of it. That was the reason why I had to get it done.
I’m a determined person so I know for sure a baby wouldn’t stop me from getting to my goal, it would just be a delay but how could I pay my own school fee & fiend for myself? My boyfriend wanted the baby sooo badly & I wanted it too. In fact, he started to make future plans for us to migrate. I knew he could afford a child but not to send me back to school.
I selfishly made the decision on my own and within 2 days I went to get it terminated. I didn’t have the courage to tell him then and I still don’t have it to tell him now. He would be very hurt.
I told him I lost that baby. When he noticed I was bleeding, he gave me a bath, made me tea & rubbed my tummy until I fell asleep. I cried so much.. I was heartbroken & I was the one who broke his heart without him truly knowing. He had even picked out names…
Every day I think about how supportive he would’ve been, & we would’ve been a family right now.